Go! I keep blaming my history with sexual assault for how I'm feeling, but I'm terrified to open up to him about it (TW) |

I keep blaming my history with sexual assault for how I'm feeling, but I'm terrified to open up to him about it (TW)

2021.07.23 15:51 freakingoutsa I keep blaming my history with sexual assault for how I'm feeling, but I'm terrified to open up to him about it (TW)

TW: Sexual assault and abuse, suicidal ideation, detailed pornography description
I want to tell him so badly the deep, core issues of why his porn use hurts me. Yes, there's the feelings of betrayal and insecurity, but it goes so much deeper than that. I am terrified to open up to him about it because it will be that much more painful when/if he continues using.
When I was 4, I was introduced to sex by a family "friend". I saw things and did things that caused me to be hypersexual growing up.
10 years later, I was violently and brutally raped by strangers who recorded me. My hypersexuality died down for a couple of years, then came full surge when I was 16 and got a laptop. I discovered porn.
I became obsessed with trying to find the video of myself and ended up watching all kinds of disgusting videos in the process that only traumatized me further. I wouldn't watch to get off, but did eventually stop looking for my video and transitioned to more mild, passionate porn and used it as a masturbation tool a couple times a month up until a year ago when I started learning more about the industry and what it does to your brain.
I never did find my video, but the things I saw while looking for it is on the same shelf as the other stuff. I have a suspicion that my bf is into some hard-core stuff because any time I have overheard, I hear women screaming (in pleasure or pain, I cannot tell).
When I was 19, I was raped anally by a friend and also forced to swallow his cum on a different occasion. My bf has asked multiple times to cum in my mouth and to try anal. Both of which I've done with him one time, but felt so wrong about after that I say no now.
I want to explain these things to him so he understands why the porn is a serious issue and so he will stop asking me to swallow his cum and do anal, my answer will always be no and I know he wants those things because he sees them in porn. It makes me feel like I cannot satisfy him.
How could I frame this to him without causing him to feel defensive? Or is it a really bad idea to open up about this? This hurts and I don't know what to do. It feels impossible to fully heal from the trauma knowing he is watching porn and then asking me to perform the acts he sees. Ive been through therapy, but It just brings everything up over and over again.
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2021.07.23 15:51 pkmncar Cultural Wonders Project: Sher-Dor Madrasah, Samarkand, Uzbekistan, 500x500x256; free to download August 1st.

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2021.07.23 15:51 sacci7 Anne Badenixxe😍😍😍

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2021.07.23 15:51 ChuklesTK Jon Zherka has been banned (48 hour suspension)

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2021.07.23 15:51 cabinetjox Do I need to inform the municipality of my move?

I'll be moving out of NL (and out of Europe) for about 6 months, but I plan to come back afterwards. I have EU permanent residence, so I can stay abroad for up to one year I believe, but in the meantime, do I need to inform the government of anything? I am currently registered at my parents' house in NL so it's not like I would be giving up an apartment or anything. Thanks in advance!
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2021.07.23 15:51 BoneyDanza NJ Virgin pickup wiring

I am rebuilding an NJ Virgin and can not find any info on the pickups and how they are wired. 3 switches, 3 knobs. I've looked at StewMac and DiMarzio. They have schematics that are close but they are for other guitars with push pull pots and I don't know enough to modify it for separate pots and switches. Does anyone know of a resource for the wiring in a B.C. Rich?
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2021.07.23 15:51 ghostnii can't get rats right now so I draw them instead and wanted to share it with other rat lovers :3 (some are based of Magawa the rat)

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2021.07.23 15:51 Ylissian [Shams] Cavaliers center Isaiah Hartenstein has declined his $1.8 million player option for 2021-22 season and will become a free agent, sources tell @TheAthletic @Stadium. Hartenstein averaged 8.3 points and six rebounds to finish season in Cleveland.

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2021.07.23 15:51 DanExStranger I'm pretty sure I annihilated most of Turkey's army

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2021.07.23 15:51 user384839 Worst game of FIFA I’ve played in my life, lost as well

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2021.07.23 15:51 NickGasco Little or no taste cardarine

First time taking cardarine and was surprised by the absence of a foul taste. Is this normal or is it bunk?
The sourse is receptor chem which has always been legit for me. I'm taking it with MK677 and that taste horrendous so maybe it's disguising the taste.
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2021.07.23 15:51 Jsonpritch Please add I could really use a big break in life and I think Pi Network is that! Let’s get this coin up and running! Cheers to the little guy in this big world!Code : jsonp

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2021.07.23 15:51 ar0918 29m looking for girl wanting to be bred and is ready to meet

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2021.07.23 15:51 AlternateSalt At the firing range [@edzact_ly]

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2021.07.23 15:51 drinksonu Is it normal to keep waking up every few hours in the start of your recovery process?

Woke up 5 times last night
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2021.07.23 15:51 Gdtheee Young people, what's your advice for older folks?

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2021.07.23 15:51 Queen-City-Princess I just canceled cable … where can I watch new episodes?

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2021.07.23 15:51 4reddityo Baby Season

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2021.07.23 15:51 ArcheroKnight 16K Urasil Club.

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2021.07.23 15:51 YouNeedToGrow 22 [M4R] Toronto - Looking to make new friends

I'm looking to make new friends that live in/near Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I don't live in Toronto myself, but I do live nearby. I am hoping to eventually meet up in person, but only when we both feel comfortable with doing so.
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2021.07.23 15:51 Imgonefargone28 I tried to hang myself last night but the rope broke.

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